One of the inescapable truths in life for most people on the planet (granted, not all) is the fact that relationships are an important key to happiness and success. Having a good relationship with your significant other makes for a happy home life; getting along with your relatives helps promote a happy family life; having close friendships with other people makes for a great social life; and having solid relationships at work and with your peers helps ensure a successful business life.
Relationships can be easy to build or they can take some work, especially depending upon the type of relationship and your context within it. For example, it might be easier to build a good relationship with your co-worker than with your Uncle Frank, whom you see only once a month because he lives five hours away from you. In either case, however, both you and the other person have to work together to make the relationship successful.
A crucial aspect to building a successful relationship is learning how to work through the difficult times. Learn to do that and have the discipline to follow your methods whenever a rough patch pops up, and you’ll see how the stresses and difficulties in the relationship begin to subside.
If you’re like me, you probably have a number of clients who come to see you for help on their various relationships, and most of their questions are most likely in regards to the relationship with a significant other. You probably have a few good “relationship” spreads in your repertoire, and you’ve probably got a good idea how to handle most questions from experience and by perusing through some of the great Tarot books out on the market. (Tarot for Lovers, by E.W. Neville, comes to mind.)
There are a lot of people, though, who still don’t know how to deal with the stresses brought about by difficulties in their relationships, and some of these folks will come to see if you can point them in the right direction. They will likely ask the harder types of questions that can make some Tarot readers slightly nervous.
Here are what I believe to be three good tips on handling the more difficult issues that may come up about relationships.
Take the Ego out of the picture
There are times when a person’s Ego takes over and plays havoc with his or her emotions. This person is absolutely sure that the relationship is too lopsided one way or the other. Here is what I recommend that you do when this happens.
- Remove the “It’s all about me!” aspect. You’ll know if this is present because the questions may have (pardon the expression) a “whiney” tone to them. “Why doesn’t understand me?” “Why can’t she see that she’s hurting me?” “Why does he always think that I have to change?”
- Remove the “It’s all about him (/her)!” aspect. You’ll know if this is present because the questions may have a bit of a desperate tone to them. “What can’t I make her love me?” “Why has he stopped calling?” “Is she thinking of leaving me?”
Try your best to move the focus to the core issues. In either case above, for example, you can suggest doing a reading that looks at each person’s expectations for the relationship, how they both currently see the relationship, and where each thinks it’s going under the present circumstances. Now the querent can review and analyze the relationship through a mental lens instead of an emotional lens and get a better idea of what issues really need to be addressed in order to mend the relationship.
Eliminate the “Blame Game”
Yes, this is the age old “It’s his/her fault!” issue that everyone seems to play at some point in his or her life. In readings, this manifests itself via questions such as “Why is he hurting me?”, “What makes her want to belittle me?”, or “How did he manage to turn my friends against me?”
In this case, you try to solve this issue much in the same way as you try to treat something that ails you – acknowledge and treat the symptoms as appropriate, but really focus more on the ailment. Try to determine what current circumstances might be compelling the offending party to act in a seemingly hurtful manner; identify the querent’s current mental and emotional state to see if he or she is the one who is actually pushing friends away. Taking this approach can certainly help you keep this from escalating into an “Ego” scenario.
Here’s an inevitable question that practically every psychic and person who practices some form of divination will get at some point in their careers: “Is she/he cheating on me?” I learned long ago that it’s best to keep from treating this as a “Yes/No” question because it will quickly escalate into the two scenarios above.
The best approach is to ask: What’s the real issue? What is it about the current state of the relationship that may cause the other person to think about seeing someone else? Before asking the obvious questions about what behavior the other person is exhibiting that makes the querent assume that person is cheating, do a reading that examines the querent’s current emotional and mental state to see if she/he is emotionally overreacting to the other person or if the querent is mentally being her/his own worst enemy (in terms of over-thinking and over-analyzing things). I’ve found that the perception of cheating is sometimes merely a result of the querent’s unwarranted fears of losing the relationship and (supposedly) not being able to find someone else.
In any case, you can serve the best interests of your client when this question comes up by focusing on the current aspects of the relationship and identifying what appropriate actions the querent might take to shore up and strengthen it. Doing so can obviously help to keep both parties faithful to each other.
Other Professional Help
The guidance and help that you give people about their relationships certainly provides the “why” about nature of the difficulties and the direction they should take to resolve them. The additional step you can take in order to give them the best possible service is to recommend that they seek professional counseling that can help them learn how to go about mending and rebuilding their relationships. Professional counselors can provide various methodologies and techniques that can help the querent and her/his partner rebuild their relationship successfully. This is the same advice I give for readings that concern health issues or legal matters.
Remember: Do what you do well, but refer the rest to those who have the expertise.
Matters of the heart are always a delicate affair, and you should approach them with great empathy and the utmost focus. Emotions can run high, and you want to do all you can to bring them down to a calm level and ensure that the querent is as grounded as she/he can be at that moment. You must also be mindful that you convey the message of the reading as clearly and positively as possible. In the end, what you’re really trying to do is to help mend a possibly bruised or broken heart.